A while back I quoted The Onion and a friend didn’t realize that The Onion is a satirical news organization and took offense. Sorry. Now China has also believed The Onion:
Kim Jong-Un Named The Onion’s Sexiest Man Alive For 2012
Yangtse.com didn’t know it was satire and ran it as straight news. Five days later Beijing’s Guangming Daily website included a shortened article. The story next made it to the flagship paper of the Communist Party, the People’s Daily, on Tuesday along with a significant upgrade: a 55-photo slideshow of Kim. Next the story ran on three channels in Chinese and English.
Then The Onion updated their original piece with a link to the People’s Daily and a shout-out: For more coverage on The Onion’s Sexiest Man Alive 2012, Kim Jong-Un, please visit our friends at the People’s Daily in China, a proud Communist subsidiary of The Onion, Inc. Exemplary reportage, comrades. (Articles about this abound on the internet.)
Here is the infamous article:
With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true. Blessed with an air of power that masks an unmistakable cute, cuddly side, Kim made this newspaper’s editorial board swoon with his impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile.
“He has that rare ability to somehow be completely adorable and completely macho at the same time,” Onion Style and Entertainment editor Marissa Blake-Zweibel said. “And that’s the quality that makes him the sort of man women want, and men want to be. He’s a real hunk with real intensity who also knows how to cut loose and let his hair down.”
Added Blake-Zweibel, “Ri Sol-ju is one lucky lady, that’s for sure!”
With today’s announcement, Kim joins the ranks of The Onion’s prior “Sexiest Man Alive” winners, including:
2011: Bashar al-Assad
2010: Bernie Madoff
2009: Charles and David Koch (co-winners)
2008: Ted Kaczynski
2007: T. Herman Zweibel
The Onion’s commemorative “Sexiest Man Alive” issue will be available on newsstands everywhere this Friday and contains a full 16-page spread on Kim. 1
I broke down and bought a ticket (all of $2) when the take would have been $580M. Didn’t win. One more reason I don’t believe that God micromanages. I wasn’t going to build the largest house since Versailles (ref the movie, The Queen of Versailles). I didn’t even want five mansions, one complete with a car elevator (ref Romney’s houses2). True, it wasn’t enough to wipe out disease in Africa (ref The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation which has an endowment of $36.2 billion, and whose grants include The Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria, and Polio eradication).
I just wanted to teach the kids at my local high school, Cholla, mathematics – no more of this 60% failure rate in Algebra and Geometry3. Thought to give the school some portables outfitted with classrooms full of workstations complete with computers loaded with Pearson’s MyMathLab, Foundational Studies in Mathematics, the self-paced program I’ve been teaching at Pima College for the past year, which starts with whole numbers, rounding, adding, subtracting, etc, and ends, four semesters later, with logs and exponential functions. Thirty stations per classroom, and I’d hire two teachers per class, every other one a Spanish speaker. (Yes – one teacher for every 15 students.) This would be for all students who got a D or F in Geometry or Algebra the previous year, or students arriving from a feeder middle school with a D or F in math.
Not sure any of this would go through District One and/or the Arizona State Board of Education. ‘Cause next I would require that students who did not have a computer at home (or those who did but did not do their homework) to stay for two hours after school, or after any sports activity they had. If it ran through dinner, I’d buy all of the students and teachers (need different teachers at night, or they’d be on a four 10-hour day schedule) dinner, take-out from a different local restaurant each night, served in the cafeteria. Then a chauffeured ride home, so they’d feel special.
Lots of ideas to go with that, like giving our Iraq/Afghanistan veterans full scholarships for teaching degrees in math if they pledge to teach at Cholla for at least five years. (Dealing with these students should be a piece of cake after dealing with al-Qaeda.) Another is to give all Cholla students a full scholarship if they enroll in an engineering program at a four-year college.
More ideas, as I spent the $580 million, trying to go to sleep at night before the drawing.
Have been going to physical therapy for my knee injury three times a week, and do eight exercises twice a day. The recently injured knee (minor ACL tear) is much better – hasn’t collapsed in six days – but the other knee, with its old injury (minor meniscus tear + arthritis for which the doc gave me a shot of cortisone) aches more now. Guess I had been babying it before, and now I do the exercises for both knees.
For the past few sessions, after the requisite exercise bike and exercises (I’m pretty good at the balance ones), they’d wrap an ice-filled pack around the knee, plug it in, and it would do a pulsing massage. Weird.